Laura Irrgang

Behind the scenes at the Dallas Museum

Over spring break, some dear old friends and I visited Dallas. We stopped into the Dallas Museum of Art, and this lovely wisteria was in full bloom on an upper patio. The petals drifted down like soft, sweet rain.

One of the things I like best at DMA is the section where you can peek into the restoration rooms. I realize these are horrible, reflecty, non-pro images, but I wanted you to get the idea of how "secret" these rooms seem. Tucked away behind a glass wall.

I'd love to see them working on these pieces. However, the room has always been empty when I'm there. Probably because it was a weekend.

Can you imagine the pressure of working on one of these paintings?

This is where the magic happens.

Seeing these reminds me of that awful "restoration" in Spain a few years ago. An elderly woman decided to sneak into church to repair a fresco, but it went horribly wrong.

GADS!

Dirds

I think I'll start breeding "dirds".

These are ridiculous.

And adorable.

Vintage Easter Creepiness

There's a lot of creepy Easter stuff from days of yore.

Yup. That pretty much sums it up. Did I tell you guys I was an Easter Bunny for a photographer one year? That costume is hot, not to mention hideous. Poor kids.  There was one little boy who had only recently moved to the US (I think he was from the Middle East) and he was TERRIFIED. He had no idea what the big creepy bunny was all about. That must have been really confusing.

Why the weeping child? Is the bratty kid whipping him with a cherry blossom branch? I guess this was what Easter was like during The Great Depression.

No Mommy-I don't want to ride the demonic chick with bloodshot eyes.

Again...what?

Nope.

And now for oddities that I dooooo like:

Charming. I'd happily fill up his little goatie gut with jelly beans. Or as my youngest daughter calls them, "jellabeans".

I made this suitcase years ago and I still think about it. I really wish I'd kept it. Especially since Adam took me on a hot air balloon ride. What a happy day.

Here's a taxidermied bunny blowing a bubble. When you think about it, you realize that glass would be molten lava hot if it was being blown into a sphere, so that's yucky. But adorable. Delightful AND creepy.

These are a tad on the coffiny side, but I still like them. Nice soft palette and well-made, tiny costumes.

Eeeek! That one has hands!!! Imagine if this was your toilet paper holder.

Okay, that's all for now. 

Adam's Arm Wrestling page

My husband has take up arm wrestling since we've been married. It's kind of an oddball sport, but he loves it, so...GO ADAM!

Here's his official arm wrestling page with the WAL (World Armwrestling League) and here is a photo page of all the competitors. They've even sold t-shirts with his name on the back, isn't that crazy?

Adam recently qualified for a big tournament in New Orleans with the nation's top guys.  The tournament will be on ESPN sometime in February.

Until next year, Krampus!

 I get a little verklempt when holidays are over, do you?

Have you ever seen those crazy parades in Austria around Christmas where people dressed like Krampus walk down the streets scaring kids? Terrifying!

According to National Geographic:

"Krampus was created as a counterpart to kindly St. Nicholas, who rewarded children with sweets. Krampus, in contrast, would swat "wicked" children and take them away to his lair."

 Anyhoo-I'm raising children who like to be stuffed in a sack.  They think it's fun!  Like I've said before, go ahead and send me money for a therapy fund if you want to.  They'll probably need it.

 

 VIolet squeals, "Daddy, daddy-wrap me up in the sack and run!"

What a good father you are, Adam.

And there they go!  Notice how not cold Christmas is in Texas?

 He ran off to the woods and dumped her.  Good times. 

 Piper rolled herself up in her blanket, all ready to go.  "My turn next, Daddy." She waited so patiently.

What am I going to do with these two?

 

 We're not Swedish or Catholic (although I probably should have been), but we celebrate St. Lucia Day on December 13th. The Swedes choose a girl from each home/village to be that year's St. Lucy.  In a home setting, it's the oldest daughter still living at home. She wears a crown of real or fake candles, and leads a procession through the darkened house, symbolically bringing light back in the dark of winter. The real St. Lucy was a martyr who met an unfortunate death. Some versions say her eyes were plucked out-eeeek! We skip over that part and go straight for the cookies.

 

All the kids wear white clothes and red sashes, and the younger siblings are "star girls". Or boys. They serve their parents special pepparkakor cakes and coffee, which are like spicy gingerbread cookies. In our house, the girls sing Santa Lucia while I play harp.  This year, Violet sang while Piper did a dance.  If you contact me privately, I'll share the video if you want to see it.

 

Look who snatched that crown the second her sister wasn't looking!

This was the first year we chopped down trees we planted. This is the tree in the studio.  I've never had a tall tree before-it seemed like a fun luxury.  I had to use a ladder to decorate it.

I decorated it with dolls riding in different sleds and carriages and things.  It was our "girl tree".  

If I decided anyone was dressed inappropriately, I made them "snow suits" out of quilt batting.  There. Doesn't he look better now?

The dolls taking a ride around the base of the tree.

This one sings When You Wish Upon A Star.

I had an old carousel horse/riding toy I finally painted.  I couldn't decide between gold and silver.  The gold paint gave me better coverage, so gold won.

My Fiesta Room.

 More Fiesta Room.  Can't get enough Fiesta Room.

 The studio is my happy place.

 Our friend Magic Mouse (he lives in the wall behind the red door) sent us a gift.  He said he was working in New York and found this mouse replica he thought we'd like.  It plays a bunch of different Christmas carols and sings.  We discovered Magic Mouse is an antiques dealer, so he travels a lot for work.

 Little bits of green.

 

I have four David Delamare Fairy Processional prints...one for spring, summer, autumn, and winter.  This is the winter version. I look forward to switching them out every time the seasons change.

I can't believe this was a year ago.  Last year, I took Violet to see The Nutcracker.  Someone was teasing me about dressing all of us in matching outfits.  What are you talking about, Amy?  I would never...oh, wait. I look like an overstuffed polar bear, but it was cozy.  It looks like Violet is throwing gang signs.  I figure I'll only have one or two more years of Mommy & Me outfits before my children say NO.

 Violet was so itty bitty.  Why are my babies growing up?

 

Waaaah! Christmas is over for another year.  I'd better get busy enjoying January.  I feel like it's always half over before I'll allow myself to realize it's a new year. 

Paranormal Texas by Tui Snider

Oh, boy! "Paranormal Texas" is out just in time for Halloween.  One of my favorite guidebook authors and all-around awesome person, Tui Snider, shares a knockout bunch of spooky sites in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

It's available here, so grab a copy for this haunting season.

I was intrigued by Arlington's Lost Cemetery of Infants. "A surprisingly cheery tale," says Tui. Go take a look at Tui's blog. 

Corpse Flower

Eeeeeew!  Have you ever heard of these before? 

 

Beautiful, but nasty.

Mr. Bean in art history

Oh yes, please!

Click here to see Rowan Atkinson as famous characters from art history.  This is what everyone should be doing with an art degree.

Jake the Alligator Man

I am crazy about hokey, strange roadside stops.  The places that have a jackalope on the roof, or have a sign reading "World's Smallest Wolf in a Jar", or claim to sell the only chocolate covered scorpions in Arizona.  You know...that kind of place.
If you also like that kind of place, I can't recommend "Marsh's Free Museum" highly enough.  It was packed with just the sort of kitsch I was looking for.

Just look at the roof.  Wouldn't you have been throwing on your brakes, too?

We drove past this place on the way to get settled to the cottage.  I pointed it out and told Violet she could come see Jake the Alligator man if she was feeling better. "What in heck is an alligator man?"  She was very skeptical, but wanted to hear lots more about  it.

 

When this is the first thing you see when you walk into a place, you know it's going to just keep getting better.

 That coffin had neat handles.

See? Acorns.

Rawr.

Random note:  That is so not a Violet Outfit.  She was chilly so we borrowed a sweatshirt.  Not that anyone cares, but I hardly recognize her in these photos.

As you can see below, she was less than thrilled to make Jake's acquaintance.

 

"He's yucky."

 

"What's wrong with his head?"

 

What else?  According to the museum:

Inside you’ll find turn-of-the-century machines, from Victorian era music makers such as an imported French Canary music box and a self-playing violin, to fortune tellers, nickel peep shows and a love meter.

There were more vintage fortune telling machines than I've ever seen in one place.  If she'd felt better, I'd have gotten a roll of coins and played every single one.

  Violet sat in the Love Chair until all the lights sparked on and it started playing annoying music as loud as a fire engine.  She said, "I don't love that chair."

 

This self-playing orchestrion (automated strange instrument thingy) was also very noisy.  

Pretty, though.

 I didn't get a photo, but they also had a bowl made of human skin. Ew.

This stuffed canary actually opens its beak and sings.

More fortune telling machines.  Where's a roll of quarters and two extra hours when I need them???

They have a bunch of neat "peep show" type machines.  They remind me of those vintage stereoscopic photos held on wooden frames.  Do you know what I'm talking about?

 These.

I bet these were scandalous back in the day.

I bet mothers would gasp and throw their hands over their children's eyes.

Some very ookie bits of Americana.

I have a soft spot for ridiculous side show stuff, if you can't tell.

Except for clowns.  I hate clowns.

 

Estrella reminded me of the movie "Big" with Tom Hanks.  Isn't that how he got changed into a grown-up? If I remember correctly, he told one of these fortune ladies he wanted to be "big".

See why I liked this place?

 

The Wrecktory at Long Beach

 Good grief...I have so many photos backed up on my computer I just threw in the towel a few months ago.  "I give up!" I yelled at my ridiculous storage folder.

Grumble.  I'd better get back to organizing stuff or I'll lose those photos and never ever see them again.  How do you guys manage your photos?  I take so many it's crazy.  Then I don't want to deal with them.  It's like my virtual junk drawer.
I never shared our quick visit to Long Beach with you guys.  This was the tail end of our trip to Washington this spring for Adam's grandfather's 100th birthday celebration.  After we left the party, we headed for a stop at the beach. Unfortunately, everyone was struck with a hideous stomach bug.  Except for me.  I spent most of my day driving and pulling over to assist sickies.

My poor, brave Violet.

In between stomach bug bouts and violet car sickness, she was still excited about her first glimpse of the Pacific.  As soon as I could, I pulled over and we made a mad dash to the beach. I tried to explain that unlike Texas, it's more of a...winter beach. "It's c-c-cold, Mama!"

We found an adorable Victorian beach cottage called The Wrecktory, run by a retired Episcopal priest and a writer/journalist/teacher.  It was charming!  My biggest regret of the whole trip was that I didn't get to spend more time in this cottage and in Long Beach...was a delightful beachside town!

I got everyone tucked away in the cottage with some Gatorade, then Violet and I headed out to explore. We borrowed a sweatshirt from the cottage because it was much colder than we'd expected.

When I say it was windy on that beach, I mean it was windy.  See proof in our videos here and here, but turn down the volume because it was, well....windy. Adam ventured outside with Piper and took the second video.  I think I would have put her rubber boots on instead of mary janes, but I'm just glad they felt a tiny bit better so that they could go outside for a bit.

When I returned, everyone was tuckered out and green again.  Daddy was extra green.  The sick husband is sad, but how about that little square of stained glass?  Made me happy.

This cozy chair and camel saddle footstool were right next to the most wonderful little library of books.  That trove of reading material was worth the visit alone!  I stayed up long into the night sketching and reading by the fire while everyone took turns being so, so pathetically sick. My poor family! And if one of us was well, I'm glad it was me because Mama is usually the best person suited for playing nurse, don't you think?

 (photo above and below from owners on Air BnB)

Long Beach has tons of info about the Lewis and Clark Expedition, along with this fabulous statue of William Clark contemplating a sturgeon.  I had to read that twice to make sure I didn't spell "surgeon".  That would be a much different statue.

 More natural wonder than you can shake a stick at. I'd be scared to swim in that water, though.  

I am so verklempt I didn't get a family photo in front of the world's largest frying pan.

Also, we left the day before clamming season opened...waaaah!  Maybe I'll get to dig clams next time we visit.

Here are some modern day Razor Clam Queens from Long Beach's Clam Festival.  It's held every year in April.  I highly approve of any event that produces kitschy royalty.

This vintage photo makes me so happy I could squeal. I love how it looks like he's about to beat them both over the head with a shovel. 'Cause that's how fancy misogynists rolled back in '48.

I suddenly need a clam tiara.  Don't you?

 We got the fire ablazin', tucked everybody back in for a late afternoon nap, and I ran out for dinner.  I had to settle for not-dug-by-me- clam chowder and Gatorade.  It was pretty dang good.

The girls shared a room as tiny as a ship's cabin.  They said it was cozy.

Check out that porthole in the closet. Tomorrow, my favorite part of the trip...our visit to Marsh's Free Museum, home of Jake the Alligator Man!

Chupacabra ad on Craigslist

This ad on Austin's Craigslist is killing me.  I would do it for free, but I'd be afraid of getting shot.  And I really, really want to be friends with this person.

Greetings,

This is not a joke. I have a friend who is afraid of the Chupacabra. I will pay you $200 to imitate the Chupacabra in the woods behind her house for one hour between 10pm and 4am. You must supply your own Chupacabra outfit. Make Andy Serkis proud.

Please e-mail your Chupacabra qualifications and a description of your how you will imitate the magical Mexican beast. 

-Steve

Dead things

Oh, dear...I checked my browser history to look for an art page I couldn't relocate, and saw "How to Rot Down Dead Bodies".  I swear I'm not a serial killer, y'all!

(Not my item, it just reminded me of the hoof I found in the woods.)

I have a rather odd habit of wanting to preserve all the dead beautiful animals I find out on our place.  The last time I tried to save a tiny fawn hoof I found, rascally rodents or other predators stole it in the night.  So I'm experimenting with ways to get the yucky bits of decaying flesh off critters and keep their glorious pieces, like hooves and antlers and skulls.

I'm thinking home taxidermy probably isn't for me.  I have a rather over-active gag reflex that proves inconvenient when around anything...well...ripe.  But I'm really impressed with others' skills.

It just seems like such a shame to let such beautiful creatures rot.  I realize things don't live forever, but don't you guys get a hefty twinge of "oh no!" when you pass something lovely and recently deceased on the highway?

I swear it can be done tastefully.  Just not by me.  My dad is really great with preserving things like this.  I just wonder how he gets past the smell.

I'm fascinated by articulated skeletons in particular.  Works of art, I say!

Sneaky Facebook Profile Photos

These are fabulous!  This woman found a way to arrange her Facebook banner and profile to make it look like she was in famous scenes.  My favorite is the Jurassic Park photo.  Check out more of them here.

I hate messing with Facebook photos, but these look so fun I'm tempted now.

Pretty Girls Making Ugly Faces

It's the opposite of those "aren't I gorgeous?" selfies, and it's cracking me up. Click here to see 27 pretty girls making hideous faces.  This is my favorite.

Thank you, thank you to my friend Sandra for finding this.  I couldn't quit snorting. In college, Sandra would Scotch tape her nose into a pig snout and act like everything was totally normal. You should SEE some of the Halloween costumes this girl came up with.  Now, of course-she's a costume designer. I miss you, SandyCane.

1970s-80s Memories

I went a little crazy with a Pinterest board:   Memories from 1970s-80s. I drank a lot of Crystal Light out of that pitcher.

Wow. I did not miss that show. Did you guys watch "Little House on the Prairie"?

There's a lot of wacky stuff from my childhood. It seems like everyone had one of these clicker things.

Mexican dresses. Maybe it's because I grew up in Texas, but every person I know had one of these.

What do YOU associate with being a kid?

Retro Swim Caps

I joined a gym with a pool this week-yay!  Nothing feels more like "summer" than the smell of chlorine and the gentle lapping of waves.

 

Check out 1:13 where they have faux-fringe bathing caps.  Cracks me up.

Even better...the stern, stuffy faces of the ladies-who-lunch watching the fashion show.

 

I looked up 'retro swim caps' on YouTube and stumbled across this.  I didn't get it at first.  I thought..."But those swim caps aren't ugly at ALL!"  I thought they were saying that the caps would keep you from getting pregnant due to their unattractiveness.  Then I smacked myself on the forehead.

Copperhead Bites Itself

Ew. It's about to be Snake Season again.  This is so creepy:

 

 

More Zardoz

In case you didn't get enough Zardoz, here's the trailer.  By the way, we called those "previews" when I was a youngster.  When did they become known as trailers?  Previews makes so much more sense to me. They're pre...you know, before the movie.

 

This movie is so...1970s.

By the way, that's a gun he's holding, not her boob.  I had to look twice.  Does anyone else LOVE Charlotte Rampling on Dexter?

I hear about all these crazy druggie free love hippies of the sixties and seventies.  Many of my friends' parents don't remember a few decades. The thought of ANY of my parents, parents-in-law, or step-parents hanging out on Haight-Ashbury makes me giggle.  They're all super straight-laced. (Sorry, collective parents.)

I LOVE stories about hippy parents.  If you have any, please spill.

Zardoz

Have I mentioned Zardoz lately?  If not, let me do that right now.

Sean Connery. Charlotte Rampling.  Oh, and did I mention Sean Connery wearing THIS?  Have you ever had more reason to use your Netflix account?

Owl dresses and sparkle

Look!  It's Piper in Violet's old owl dress.  

They're so different, aren't they? That's Violet above at about the same age.

Piper's a mellow little Buddha baby and Violet is a ball of energy.  Half of Violet's photos are blurred because it's hard to capture her being still.

I made that dress from a super soft mohair sweater of mine I accidentally shrunk.  I did a tutorial on it a while back.  

If you want the link, here it is:

Toddler dress from adult sweater in 30 minutes.

Here's a video of Piper playing her favorite new game...pretending to eat.  In case you care.

And this...well, I have so many things to say about this that I get tongue-tied.

Speaking of sparkle, I found this on Pinterest.  (By the way:  Thanks, Pinterest.  You suck up all my free time because I have no discipline.  Love, Laura)

So...yeah yeah, sparkle, glitter, that shiny star trick of light. But in reality, wouldn't people just be saying, "Ew, gross.  What's that crap stuck on your nails?  Go wash your hands."

If you want to see what's going on over at my book blog, I did a feature on Anne Romby today.

 

Now on to more important things.  Should I make a pair like this?  I'm thinking those sharp little shells might cut your ankles to shreds.  If they accidentally brushed your leg (or God forbid, your children or pets) they'd leave slices.  So...I'm thinking no shell shoes.  But they're so CUTE!!!!

Going Bananas!

 At a white elephant party the week before Christmas, Adam received 30 POUNDS of bananas as a gift.

Yes.  I said 30 POUNDS.

As I'm sure you can imagine, we ate a lot of bananas that week.

Fortunately, Piper practically lives on bananas.  And blueberries.  Those are responsible for the grody mouth stains, in case you thought she had morphed into a zombie.

We still had bananas coming out of our ears, so I made "banana buddies".  I took scraps of ribbon and wrapping paper to make hats and scarves, then drew faces on them with a sharpie.

Guess which one Adam drew.

I took them to the girls' school and we had them for snack time.  I wasn't there when the kids ate them.  I wonder if they liked them, or if they freaked them out.

 

What are these called?

Do any of you know what these types of dolls are called?

This is from a Mark Ryden painting.  The dolls I'm thinking of have a stuffed animal-type body, but a hard/rubber humanish face.  Some are cute, but most are kind of creepy.  I had one when I was little, and I vaguely recall they have a name.

A Tudor Feast At Christmas

I'm watching this on YouTube today:

 

It's called "A Tudor Feast At Christmas". 

This isn't from the documentary, but here's a frightening Tudor creation...the cockenthrice.  Like Violet says, "I'd love to, but no thank you."

Here's the documentary's description: 

Without the use of modern conveniences, a group of historians and archaeologists prepare a Tudor feast as it would have been over 400 years ago. They wear clothes from the period, source food from the land, and use recipes from the era. They turn the clock back to rediscover a way of life from an age gone by.

Christmas Elves and Weasels

Yes.  We have The Elf. Sorry.  We've succumbed.

I made him to (hopefully) look like this little elf we had on our tree when I was little.  Violet thinks he dropped from the chimney (after hearing bells) earlier this week from The North Pole.  We popped the delivery box in the freezer so it was extra cold.  He showed up riding Rascal the Raccoon Hat this morning.

And this is Violet's pet of choice this week....Christmas Weasel.

Ridiculous Tunes at our house

We listen to some pretty ridiculous stuff at our house these days:

      

 

Okay...I haven't let the girls watch this one, but it still cracks me up. Ease up on them bees, Jason Statham.

 

 

Ohio University Marching Band-What Does the Fox Say

Yes, please.

 

You rock, Ohio University Marching Band!

Not So Sweet Poe-Tay-Toe

I think I found the world's most disgusting sweet potato.

Terrifying vintage costumes you can't un-see

Yup.  They knew how to do it up right in yesteryear.  If by "right", you mean "slam the door and lock it tight". Check out these shudder-inducing costumes.

Thanks, Carol-you always send great creepiness to my inbox.

Lucretia McEvil-Chita Rivera

Wow. I don't even know what to say about this:

 

Sea Monkeys

Did anyone else want these really bad as a kid?  I'd see them in the back pages of kids' magazines and comics, and WANT.  

I was just sure I could train them and pet them
and they'd be the envy of the neighborhood.  What the heck did they really look like, anyway?  Did any of you (spoiled kids) actually have parents that would buy them for you?

I find it hilarious how they disguise their little sea monkey nakedness.

Quit clowning around

What is wrong with people?  Can you imagine if you were dating a guy and then one day you went to, say-the lake with some friends, and then he pulls off his shirt and has THIS???? I think I'd just go home. Straight home.

Surviving Whole Foods

I thought this essay from Kelly MacLean was so funny. She skewers the Whole Food crowd that will honk rudely at a pregnant lady in the crosswalk while zooming past in a Prius with a NAMASTE sticker on the back.

I particularly enjoyed her thoughts on the 'How Ugly Are You?" machine they use to try to sucker you into buying expensive beauty products.  Who invents this stuff?

I used to work near the Whole Foods headquarters in Austin, and I adored that store. Oh, how I miss their beautiful, perfectly arranged produce and extensive, lush cheese counter.  But. But but but.

It's not really the sort of store where you do "normal" grocery shopping.  Unless you're a very rich holistic practitioner or something, or only eat 5 organic green beans per day. 

You simply can't buy white flour.  Or table salt.  If you ask, they look at you like you peed on their floor.  It's great for interesting produce and specialty items, but if you're looking for an armload of groceries for less than $300, you probably want to head elsewhere.

My eyes have been ZAPPED! PRK done.

Yay! Surgery being over is a good thing. I really liked my surgeon-he's one of the people who invented the procedure..  I'll tell you his name in a private email if you're interested.  I also have an awesome everyday optometrist who is ridiculously good looking and competent.  Her staff is so friendly and helpful I could cry.  Why can't ALL offices be like that?  My husband calls it the Charlie's Angels office.

With my procedure (PRK), here's what happens. 

These are layman's terms. 

(from Break.com) Like, sub-layman terms, but you'll get the idea.

(from Imbecile.me)

I was very apprehensive, but the procedure is QUICK!  The morning of my surgery, they finished taking measurements of my cornea with a special machine.  It reminded me of the thing at the eye doctor that shoots air in your eye, except you just look at an interior light without that annoying puff of air.

(from ScienceDirect.com)

They showed me pictures of my eye at the cellular level.  The surface of my cornea looks sort of like a horse apple, oddly enough. See? Horse apple.

They decide which pieces to keep and which pieces to zap. The ugly, non hexagonal bits? Zap.

(image from Nashville Medical News)

 I go into the operating room and get comfy in what looks like a reclining dentist's chair. It was more like a scary dentist's office with people hovering all around you than an O.R.  They gave me a rubber ducky to squeeze (I called it my Comfort Duck) and they put a nice heavy blanket over me. Like I was a six year old.  Because I felt like about a six year old at that point. They show the waiting room a huge televised version of the surgery.  Adam happily watched my corneas being zapped.  He was so excited...he said, "You were so perfectly still, honey!"

They It took a minute or two to install the speculum, a thing that looks a bit like an eyelash curler from hell.  The place it in your eye to keep you from blinking.  I could live just fine without another one of those touching my eyes again.  Ever. They treat you with anesthetic eye drops, then flush your eyes with very cold saline solution. 

 (from TexarkanaLasik, not where I had my procedure.)

Then they took this small paint brush thing and wiped it across my eye, then did used something that looked a lot like a round electric toothbrush to scrape off the top layer of my cornea. It doesn't hurt, but you can feel it.

(from eHow.com)

Yes. It's just as creepy as it sounds. Because you're totally awake the whole time. With nary a Tylenol in your system.

(from dailymail.co.uk)

All these people with perfect makeup and beaming happy heavenly lights? That's not how it looks.  You have to wear no makeup or even wash your hair for days afterwards.  You wear a big ugly hair cap and most people look a bit more panicky and a little less zen.

(from Late Night With Jimmy Fallon)

There! More like that.

Then they ask you to look at a super bright laser above your head. A super duper crazy bright light is just spinning above your head in the big cylinder thing. This isn't me, but it looks almost exactly like this.  Did I mention it's really, really bright?

(image from PerfectVision.com)

They whisk a small tube of air past your eye as the laser works, making zaps and Darth Vader light saber noises. It hums and sizzles and pops. I don't know if the air has a purpose or not.  I'm guessing they're trying to keep you from smelling the burning corneal cells.

(from FDWallpapers)

It didn't hurt at all..it was just a little freaky and uncomfortable.  Your eye sizzling smells a little like burning hair, which is gross, but not life-threatening.

(Image and Aneesa's experience of eye surgery at his blog)
Ha!  Fooled you again...that's not me.  They put a bandage contact over your eyes, sit you up, then you're done.  They look at your eyes again in ten minutes, then send you home. I was really sensitive to light, so I wore big dark glasses, and probably will for a few weeks, even inside. You have to take these dorky eye shields on when you sleep.  Easy peasy.

I can see well enough with the computer set on OLD LADY BLIND LARGE, but I have a pretty bad headache right now. SO, guess I should quit using the computer, huh?

Here's more info on iLasik vs PRK if you're interested.  If you bore easily, you can leave if you're not gone already.

Based on measurements the surgeon took, the team decided I should have PRK instead of iLasik. That had good and bad points.

Bad

1. Longer recovery period.  It may take months for my vision to improve.  I will be able to do most things in a week or two, but the best vision I can achieve may take months.
2. More painful recovery period.  With PRK, they said 1 in 20 people have significant pain. Oddly enough, the majority of those are men.  My pain was not awful, but it was there.  I'd compare it to the discomfort you feel while chopping a really"hot" onion.
3. Increased risk of post-surgery inflammation and haze.  The reason (as I understand it) is that with iLasik, they laser off a flap of your cornea, laser it, then put the cornea back down. With PRK, there is no flap, and your eye heals from the outside in.  As it heals, it forms a seam, which makes it hazy to see through until it smooths out as it heals further.

Good

1. It's slightly safer, since they're not cutting a flap on your cornea with a laser.  You don't run the risk of ever getting that flap knocked loose (through contact sports, an accident, etc.)
2. If you have thin corneas, this surgery doesn't compromise the thickness by removing a layer.
3. The laser doesn't penetrate as deeply as it does with iLasik.
4. The procedure can be repeated if you ever need augmentation.
5. My surgeon thought I'd have a 20% chance of having to repeat the surgery in the next year (due to my type of astigmatism) with iLasik.  The chance is lower with PRK.

Tom Waites Tidbits

Here's an odd little short by Shelbi Roake set to "Circus" by Tom Waites.

 

This interview on Letterman was so charming. To me, anyway. The concept of Tom Waits being a father just kills me. Imagine him scratching out a lullaby!

I couldn't find the interview, but I vaguely recall him saying once that he drove his kids' school bus.  I wanna be on that bus route.

Good grief.  He's been on Letterman a bunch. Here.  Here. And I can't get over how young they look in 1988. They have such a great rapport.  What's up with early Letterman hair, though? Is that a rug?

Have you guys ever listened to Jesca Hoop?  She was Tom Waits's nanny. 

Here's her song "Whispering Light". Waits described her music as “like going swimming in a lake at night.”

Snip sizzle

I'm having eye surgery soon.  With lasers.  I'm kind of nervous.  Lasers and scalpels and eyeballs seem like they shouldn't mix.

Do any of you guys have any experience with vision correction surgery?

Perfect Sense

Have any of you seen "Perfect Sense"? I saw it over a year ago, but I'll still think about it sometimes. I find it more disturbing now than I did then.

 

At the time, I was pretty neutral about it...not great, not terrible.  But now, I find snippets of the film playing in my head.  Does that ever happen to you?

Those dang Japanese dinosaurs!

 

This video made me laugh so hard.

 

Slowlene Jolene

My friend Sherman pointed out this awesome version of Dolly Parton's "Jolene".  It's her original version, but slowed down 25%.  Fabulous.  Love that song.

Vasovagal Syncope

I feel like my petals fell off.

I had kind of a rough week.  It turns out I have something called vasovagal syncope.  That just means I have an oversensitivity to fainting.  However, when coupled with a nasty, sudden stomach bug, it got a little horrific. 

 

See? I've turned into one of these. (Click here if you can't see the video.)

I almost passed out while driving, then did pass out several times in a parking lot with my poor scared babies in the backseat.  Then I had several days of squishy consciousness combined with all the yucky stuff that comes along with stomach viruses.

So...for now, I'm just trying to get life back to normal.  In the grand scheme of things, being a fainter isn't the end of the world, just kind of annoying.  It's frustrating, though.  I'm not the least bit squeamish, shots don't bother me, etc. 

I fainted a few times during both pregnancies, but I assumed it was baby-related.  I've fainted before in the past, but always just thought I was so ill I fainted.  Turns out it's sort of the other way around. I have to get more tests and an EEG to rule out seizures or other brain weirdness.

My doctor told me a lot of people have it when they're getting blood drawn or see something gory.  Four out of five people will have this happen at least once during their life.  Apparently, it happens to me when I'm hit by a sudden illness. It's not dangerous by itself, but where you are when you faint can be.  Like...driving.  My doctor said about 20 years ago, a patient watched his wife getting an i.v. inserted.  The man passed out, hit his head on a metal table at the hospital, and died.

The solution?  Drag this behind me on wheels.

Isn't it bad enough to get slammed with a stomach bug?  Now I have the joy of projectile vomiting combined with passing out.  Like I said, though-there are much worse things to have, so I'm only kvetching a little bit.

Silver Armadillo Pomander

Ooooh...a silver armadillo pomander (object that shoots out smelliness, preferably of the pleasant, incensey kind) from the exhibit Luminescence: The Silver of Peru.  What a neat show from the University of Toronto Art Centre.

Are you kidding me?

Is this a joke? I'm afraid it's not.

Valerie and Her Week of Wonders

Has anyone seen this? It looked intriguing for the imagery alone.

 

Here is the trailer.

I heard it mentioned as a style inspiration by Sarah Sophie Flicker, the creative director of The Citizens Band.  It looked interesting. 

It's Czech, but there is a subtitled version on YouTube.  It looked not-child-appropriate, so I may have to wait a while to watch. 

Creepy!

The studio is coming together, and the days are long.  I'll be sealing the drywall texture next, after the girls are in bed.  It's going to be a lot of hard work, but I can't wait!  I wish I could work on it more, but paint rollers and curious four year olds and one year old babies don't mix.

Shark in a Jar & Alladin's Lamp

Thank you, Thrift Store Gods!  Grossness in a jar, awesomeness for my Arabian Nights Room, and a 3 tiered bento box.

Is that a shark in a jar, you ask?

Why, yes!  Yes, it is.  Funny you should ask.

Conveniently labeled, too.  The sickest part?  The lady at the store said it came from Sea World.  That's so screwed up.

I also found an Alladin lamp.  What would Clyde wish for, do you think?

Roller Derby Weekend

I got together with old friends from college to celebrate Christy's birthday. We went to watch our friend Laura in a roller derby bout.  I know so many Lauras it will make your head spin.
Christy in black---funny shirt!  She's a high school chemistry teacher.  Laura plays for the Muertas Locas, and the North Texas championship team...the Unicorns. Her derby name is Beelzebetsy, and she's #667.

(image from R & R Photography)

Holy Moly does this sport seem dangerous!

(image by Duane Baker Photography)

The post-bout stemware cracked me up.  The red cup is actually a hard material on a crystal base.

(more from R&R Photography)

This is such a fun group of women!  We came up with a plan....we'll form our own roller derby team.  For one night only!  No practice, no nothing...we'll just all show up in uniforms, and see what happens.  Yeah, right---I'd be curled up in a fetal ball and crying in about thirty seconds.

We dined, we roller derbied, we swam, we stayed up late talking at the hotel, and some of us rode invisible horses.  Great weekend!

Poosh goes the potato gun

THIS is a fancy schmanchy potato gun.I got to shoot it this weekend.  See the spiraled rifling inside like the Bond gun?
It was designed and made by Adam's co-worker, Ike.  Engineers make fun toys.  Good job, Ike! 

See the flying potato bits?  Let's call it potato detritus.  I never usually have the opportunity to use that word.  And I recently found out I've been pronouncing it incorrectly for years.  I've always said DEHT tri tuss, and it's supposed to be Deh TRY tuss. 

Adam insisted I tell you the potato gun's unique characteristics:

• powered by a metered charge of pressure regulated MAPP gas
• electric gas/air mixing
• stun gun ignition
• rifled barrel
• It goes "POOSH" when you shoot it. (I added that part, can you tell?)

Who knew it would be so satisfying to shoot a vegetable into the air?

I had a few people mention they were having trouble commenting, so I tried to fix it.  I hope it worked!  If not, email me at laurairrgang (at) yahoo (dot) com and I'll try to get to the bottom of this. ***Shakes fist at the internet gremlins***

Wait...I could just shoot the internet gremlins with a potato gun!

Snake in the studio

A few of you have asked why I'm not using my studio yet.  Well, it's not done, for one thing.  For another...I can't have the girls around things like THIS.

Look what's hiding beside that box.  What is it, you ask?  It's a four foot long snake, that's what.  This is NOT the first snake to visit our shop/studio.  Why can't they just stay outside?

Here is Adam removing the snake.  I'm in the process of moving all the stuff out of my studio into his shop so the construction guys can come in an spray drywall compound on the walls.  See all the lady junk in the background? 

I found 5 brown recluses while moving that stuff.  NOW I'm petrified to keep moving stuff. 

Can you imagine how much I'm cringing every single time I pick up a box now?

Louisiana Road Trip

We took a roadtrip to Shreveport this past weekend.

I couldn't find Fangtasia.  Bummer.Adam racked up more trophies at an arm wrestling tournament in Shreveport.  Three were first place-yay, honey!  He even gave one of them away since it was a team trophy. Hey, My Little Pony fans-it's Pinkie Pie's Boutique.  Look familiar?

And how do we know when we're back in Texas?  (Other than the obvious?)We know we're back home when the gas stations have dead animals in glass boxes.  That's how we know.

Putin and Dobby

I can never get enough of Pootie, can you?  Hey Typepad, why won't you let me center my text?  Are you mad at me?

Braids and bats and parties and verklemptness

Violet will finally sit still long enough for me to braid her hair.
I

She discovered that when I un-do it, she has curly hair.  She's addicted.

Fairy God Gwen sent some bat finger puppets.

Violet loves them. 

On a whiny note, this poem made me all verklempt.

And this is waaaaay late, but we went to Abigale's birthday party.  What a sweet girl.  There was pink princess goodness oozing from her pores.

Piper made friends with Baby Owen.  They were born only a few days apart.  I love their big fat baby heads.

I love birthday cake, don't you?  The sugarier, the better.  Is sugarier a word?

Piper:  B-b-b-b-b-bah bah bah b- b- b...

Owen:  D-d-d-d- da da da d-d- d...

Violet will not quit singing this song.  It's driving me bat$%*@.  That lady sounds crazy.  I want to see a photo of her.  I'm guessing aging hippy, yes?  Not that I don't loves me some aging hippies.  The guy at 3:34 cracks me up. He's so serious.  I bet it's her husband.  No, they totally wouldn't be married.  It would be her 'lover', or her 'partner in the grand journey we call life', or her 'constant mammal' or something.

"Hey, Mama--did you see my new game?  Did you?  Huh? HUH?  Huh, Mama?  Did you see?"

"Look, Mama!  I put them on my head like this.  MAMA!!! You weren't looking."

"Then I do THIS and they fly off.  Isn't that AMAZING?  I think my game is AMAZING.  I make up the most AMAZING games."

Anti-Photoshop

This made me happy.  It's a collection of celebrities that have been anti-Photoshopped.
P.S.  I think I had Angie's dress in 1986.