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November 07, 2012


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Martha Stewart is an Evil Queen B & dominatrix, I love how she is such a bitchy jerk face!
I liked your version better:) I want to see what kind of gorgeous dress you were wearing though!
The first time I had pomegranate was when my teacher brought one in for the class to try in elementary school. That was really sweet, too bad I can't remember which one!

Laura Irrgang

Thanks, Dusti!
Its actually an apron I made several Halloweens ago.
Man....Martha is just so STERN.

Laura Irrgang

Thanks, Dusti!
Its actually an apron I made several Halloweens ago.
Man....Martha is just so STERN.


Poms are quite expensive here, like over $2 each. Your technique is helpful and of course I love hearing your voice. The only thing missing is Violet romping and Piper cooing in the background. Don't forget that next video, OK? : )

Laura Irrgang

Its funny you say that, Charlotte-I had to toss the first two videos I filmed because:
1. Violet is saying inappropriate and unappetizing things quite loudly
2. Piper decided it was time to eat, and a crying baby is just the most pathetic sound ever.

Oh, and pomegranates are $2.50-$3.00 here, usually. I got 42 pomegranates for $19.00. Thats one of the reasons I like the Bountiful Baskets co-op.

Vanessa {a fanciful twist}

I love Martha, but you already knew that ;)

I love how stern and school marm she can be.

Maybe because of my mean lady self.

I think I would freak people out if they saw how I can be - but I think my seriousness in describing things is just trying to get it right, and get my point acorss properly.

So, maybe that is why she doesn't scare me. Because I am hopeful that she is in fact, just misunderstood.

And I can be really antagonizing and like "you aren't doing it right" - but not meaning to be mean, but it sounds mean. It's like, I am a perpetual big sister. Like Angelica C. Pickles really. Only the gorwn up version.

But you already know that.

In the video she is like, "No you dummy! You are not doing it right, now don't be sad or sorry you silly. Why are you sorry? Gosh you are so stupid...."

OH man, I LOVE her.

If she thinks like I think, she loves everyone in her mind, and is just trying to get her things across, but mean lady comes out.

Like me.

I would scare everyone.

Martha love.

Do you think she was my mom in a past life?

Ore maybe I was her?

"Well, do you? You silly person, are you thinking right? I can't hear your thoughts clearly Laura, sit up, stop making that face! Well, hello, I'm talking to you. Laura, Laura?"

Hee hee. That was Martha me, Mean Lady Vanessa voice.

Was that scary?


ps: Loved your tutorial. You sound so much grown up on video. My word, and proper. I am such a troll!!

Vanessa {a fanciful twist}

forgive the typos


Hug the babes for me, will ya?

Vanessa {a fanciful twist}


Who types ore instead of or?

SO numbskull.


Laura Irrgang

Vanessa---Im scared just reading your comments.
Im hiding under a table, not wanting to be chastised.
Youre the perpetual big sister and Im the perpetual only child.
Leave me alone! Let me play with my pomegranates in peace!

Maybe Martha does have a heart under there, but I think its
firmly ensconced in a layer of ice.

Vanessa {a fanciful twist}

Ya, that was pretty scary, I even scared myself ;)


I can't stand Martha Stewart. She came from money and made tons more by convincing people that they can be better than they are (by emulating her rich New Yorker aesthetic) but will never be quite good enough because that is reserved for her alone. Her recipes, her crafts -- everything is written up so that it looks good and you want to try it but there are steps missing or ingredient proportions are wrong so your finished product will never look or taste right. (She also employs a team of experts in specific fields and you do not.) You blame yourself and think if you try harder next time it'll work out so now you have to prove it to yourself and buy her next magazine issue and try something in that... rinse and repeat.

Come to think of it, Martha Stewart is like an abusive spouse. ;)

Laura Irrgang

Oh, Maria---your vitriolic comment made me smile!
I, too, have thought many of her recipes leave a little something out.
Not enough to ruin them, but enough to make them not as good as hers.
Do you think she REALLY does that?
Oooooh....that would be nasty mean, indeed.

Jill James

If Martha wasn't into the Home Arts, she would make a fabulous dominatrix......Can't you see her bending her little spring loaded whip back? Or she would make a great nun. I read somewhere she made her ex-husband sleep in the barn ~ THE BARN! (at the bitter end after he had done all his chores first like scraping the wax off the 100 year old pumpkin pine floors, then she divorced him)

There is a gay guy (the one who is on the Macy's commercials with her) & I swear if you close your eyes & listen, she kind of sounds like she's trying to talk like him. I marvel at how minimalistic she is but yet seems to have hoarding tendencies. (I cannot judge her posessions because I'm greedy & want to own it all too) Her job in prison was to run the floor polishing machine & she said those floors were the shiniest they had ever been! The Fabulous Beekman Boys spoof her lemon scented barn....(I need to stop)

Laura Irrgang

Oh no, Jill---NEVER stop.
Shed be the dominatrix who told you your floor wasnt clean enough.
She made her husband sleep in the BARN?
I was always curious about her ex.

And her daughter seems like an ungrateful, peevish piece of work, too.
I wonder if she was more....hmmm.....HUMAN back then.
I kept thinking seeing her as a grandmother would soften her, but no.

And if youre talking about Kevin Sharkey, the guy that does her
decorating stuff at the magazine....sheesh!
He is like the new CONSTANT in the magazine.
Every other page is, Kevin says its best to polish your shoes
with a mix of bat guano and apple cider vinegar.
Kevin likes a combo of gin and white applette grape seeds

that can only be found growing in the
poo patches of the

wild Australian wildebeest in his cocktails.
Kevin only serves white beverages so as not to stain his carpets.

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